The Best Self- Love Quote Won't Teach You This....

"JUST LOVE YOURSELF!"

"KNOW your worth"

"You have to love yourself before someone else can love you."

We've all heard these or maybe we've said them to someone else. I want to offer just a little space for growth when it comes to these sayings that we hear when people are struggling to operate from a place of the infamous, self-love.

Here's something to think about, how does someone who has never loved themselves start? Or for the person who feels worthless to the core; where is the knowledge of confidence, worthiness, and hope supposed to appear from?

I ask these questions because I've been that person who was struggling (whether it was depression, low self-esteem, doubt, shame, uncertainty) while trying my best to "love myself", with no role models outside of instagram quotes, and an occasional quote from my morning tea.. but those don't show us the how they just leave us hanging with the why.

So... how do you start to love yourself?

I'm glad you asked,

1. Find out what doesn't feel like love

Get to know yourself on a deeper level first. We all get that gut feeling of what isn't working and we can use that to take the first step towards self-love. When we can identify what areas need more love we can start to add practical ways to make that happen but without knowing what's not working we can't build in areas that do.

2. Protect yourself.

This doesn't just mean "ProTeCT YoUR ENErgY" (we hear that a lot too, but what IS THAT?) How well you protect yourself shows up in the action that you take after you realize that you feel unloved. It's not enough to just recognize when "somethings off". It's important for us to sit with the emotions, evaluate (not judge), and acknowledge truth instead of dismissing how we feel.

Quick example:You promised yourself to go to the gym 2x this week but didn't make it a priority so it got put on the back back-burner.

This triggers negative emotions like: sadness, a feeling of defeat, low self-esteem, disappointment etc. After you've recognized (point #1) that this doesn't feel like love, you acknowledge that you are vulnerable and need to add something that feels safe and like love to you. This might be offering compassion to yourself for not showing up or forgiving yourself. Next, (Point #2) create a safe space for yourself to feel, be real, and commit to yourself. This is important because commitment doesn't always look like the end goal. We often feel like we have to prove something or jump right back into the space we failed in. (Nah, not true!) Sometimes we need to slow down, offer a little encouragement, and a plan. If it didn't work the first time check to see how you can better support yourself the next time!

Between failure and success is an opportunity to create a safe space; to feel, reflect, encourage, and love. When we force it we fill that space with judgment, fear, and "not good enough" energy. Which type of space will you thrive in?

3. Create a safe space

This is vital and I just want you to know that I'm really out here dropping gems to propel your self-love, healing, growth...ALL THAT!

If you come from a traumatic past, a fear-based mindset, anxiety or seeing life through the lens of insecurity, chances are that you don't have a safe space (and that's okay because I'll teach you how!). A safe space is where you can be unapologetically you. In my 6-week course, 'Unpack My Peace', this is probably my favorite concept to teach because it's important that we feel like we are safe in our mind, body, and spirit.

A safe space looks like:

-a therapeutic activity that releases emotions (journal, prayer, affirmations)

-no judgment

-being present in the moment

-honoring your authentic feelings (not forcing yourself to move from a negative to positive emotion too quickly)

Remember, you are worthy of love. You are worthwhile!

Happy Valentine's Day

Briana